


Hold Your Hand Tighter

by purplepajamas



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Amnesia, BFFs, Boyfriends, M/M, first post omg, idk - Freeform, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 00:30:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20769533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplepajamas/pseuds/purplepajamas
Summary: This is from the prompt "I have amnesia and you say you’re my best friend but I keep on forgetting and thinking we’re lovers" and I think it'd be fun to write something out of this.Enjoy my short mess! Also butchered the medical stuffs so sorry dhgsdhd





	Hold Your Hand Tighter

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first post and im so confused on how things work here so, yeah...
> 
> also sorry for grammar and spelling mistakes. and im not exactly sure the dynamics of seungyul so please dont kill me if i wrongly depict them or anything hehe

Seungyoun felt a pair of arms wrapped around his torso, and a significant weight on his right shoulder as he walked his way to the living room, seemingly with Hangyul in tow. But it seemed like Hangyul was practically hanging off him. Seungyoun slowed his pace and finally stopped. “What are you doing?”

He waited for Hangyul’s response, but the latter did not utter a single word. Seungyoun opted to turn his head to look at Hangyul, only to be met with a pair of eyes staring at him, deep in thoughts. Not to mention, a slight pout on his lips (not that Seungyoun was staring).

“Hangyul?” Seungyoun tried again, “Something’s wrong, buddy?” paired with a raised brow.

“Buddy?” the younger responded, “Why would you call your boyfriend buddy?” Hangyul snugged his body tighter to Seungyoun. Seungyoun sighed and weakly swatted Hangyul’s hands and detached himself from the younger. He turned his whole body towards the younger, arms crossed.

“Hangyul, we’ve been through this. We’re not boyfriends, alright?” Seungyoun calmly reiterated the same sentence as he had been doing for the past days. He would gladly hit Hangyul’s head if it meant him getting better from his temporary amnesia, but he would not want anything worse to happen either. He was not ready for anything worse. Hangyul might think they were already married with children or something.

The man in question straightened up his posture as soon as he realised his mistake. “Ah, right,” he dragged his hands on his face, dragging them downwards, “man, sorry Seungyoun. I don’t-”

“It’s fine, that’s what I’m here right? To help you?” Seungyoun waved his hand dismissively, “Sit down, I’ll get you some drinks,” Seungyoun patted Hangyul’s shoulder as he walked himself to the kitchen to get some drinks.

Seungyoun looked into his refrigerator and took out two cans of coke and approached Hangyul who was busy looking at his phone. Placing Hangyul’s drink on the table, he sat beside the other on the couch and opened his own can. The younger did not even flinch, “What are you looking at there?”

The younger one looked up and smiled, “Oh just, just our pictures,” he showed a selfie of the two at the local amusement park, drinks in hands and cute headbands on their heads. Seungyoun let out a breathy laugh as he smirked. That was a long time ago, and he was not sure if Hangyul even remembered with his condition now. “You’re so pretty with the cat headband, though,” Hangyul lightly commented as he retracted his phone and scrolled through other pictures.

Seungyoun was not sure how to react, because Hangyul compliments him from time to time. He’s heard ‘cute’, but never ‘pretty’ before. He settled for the safest answer, “Thanks,” a sip of coke filled the silence. Seungyoun did not think Hangyul noticed the stiff air. He was still smiling as he was scrolling through his phone, “Stop looking at your phone and drink your coke. It’s making my table wet,” Hangyul laughed at that and finally locked his phone and placed it on the table, picking up the can of coke instead.

“Alright babe, stop being whiny,” and Seungyoun swore he’d had enough. He would have choked on his coke and spat some on his couch if it was the first time, but he’s heard it enough to not even flinch, and he was contemplating whether it was a good thing or not. But that was for him to think about later, at night, without Hangyul staring at him like he had the answers to every question the younger had.

:>

Seungyoun thought Hangyul was confusing.

Everything he had been doing so far had been confusing.

“You’re late,” Hangyul chipped as Seungyoun sat opposite of him, “I should have just picked you up,” 

“Sorry…” Seungyoun pouted. His eyes focused on the meal and drinks on the table, “You ordered without asking me first?” he raised both of his brows, clearly questioning. 

Hangyul looked at him with bright eyes and a warm smile.

“I got your favourites! You were late and I thought I should just order since I know what you like,”

“Okay,” Seungyoun slowly nodded as he observed the food. Well, Hangyul was right. Those were his favourites. “That’s very nice of you,” he added slowly.

Hangyul’s face slightly faltered, “Do you not like them? Should I re-order for you? I can do that if you want?” he rambled as he reached for Seungyoun’s hand on the table. The older flinched at the warm contact but did not remove his hand.

“No, no it’s great! I just didn’t think that you’d actually order for me. You would usually taunt me by ordering food for yourself and I have to wait while watching you eat your food, haha,” Seungyoun breathed a small laugh. He was beginning to realise the situation. It was happening again. Hangyul frowned.

“Well that’s not a good thing to do to your boyfriend,” the younger of the two commented as his frown maintained and his thumb rubbed circles on the back of Seungyoun’s hand. “You sure you don’t want me to re-order for you?”

“No, Hangyul,” Seungyoun shook his head, “And we’re not dating, Hangyul,” he added as he reluctantly pulled his hand from Hangyul’s grip. He was not sure, but he did not want to deal with why he would actually love to hold Hangyul’s hands again. He has more important matters to attend.

“Oh,” his hand frozen from Seungyoun pulling his from Hangyul’s grip, “Listen, I’m so sorry, Seungyoun. I don’t know why I keep slipping up like that,” Hangyul sighed as worried lines creased his forehead. 

Seungyoun dismissed it again, as it had become his routine to dismiss the peculiar behaviour from Hangyul. Seungyoun was not sure why Hangyul referred this as slipping up, but that would be a question for another time. There were things he wanted to ask Hangyul, but he just could not make himself say them. He did not know why.

He was not sure of himself anymore. He wished he would not try too hard to help Hangyul get better.

He kind of liked it when Hangyul treated him as someone much more special than just a best friend.

He also kind of hated the way it made him feel selfish. He didn’t even know what Hangyul truly felt before the accident that caused Hangyul to have amnesia. He ought to ignore his feelings and not take advantage of Hangyul in this condition.

Being friends for almost ten years, they did almost everything together. From the start, everything just clicked; Seungyoun and Hangyul, Hangyul and Seungyoun. Almost inseparable. They’ve hugged, held hands and were a little touchy in nature. And Seungyoun knew Hangyul had a soft spot for him and he didn’t mind. He was the same with Hangyul too. And it was all normal for them. Seungyoun never thought anything of it, and he was pretty sure Hangyul too.

But Hangyul kept saying ‘boyfriends’ and ‘dating’ so much for the past few weeks it was making him a bit disoriented. It wasn’t unpleasant but it was shaking him from the inside, as if something had been awoken in him, like a revelation he should have noticed before. 

Seungyoun was a coward, so he shut his eyes, pull his blanket above his head, hoping that he could shut the possibilities playing in his mind in the darkness of his bedroom.  
Later. He’ll think about that later.

:>

“He seems like he’s doing pretty well now,” the doctor commented as soon as Hangyul closed the door of the consulting room. “I don’t think I have anything else to add,”  
Seungyoun bit his lower lip as shifts on his chair, “Actually, there’s something weird going on with Hangyul ever since the amnesia happened,” the doctor raised his brows and motioned for Seungyoun to continue, “Hangyul….” He hummed and licked his lips, thinking on how to explain to the doctor of the ridiculous situation, “He thinks we’re….dating or some sorts. He keeps saying we’re boyfriends and stuffs, and I don’t know why. We’re not dating,” Seungyoun rambled as the doctor hummed and pondered on the statement.

“And he has been doing this…”

“Ever since he started having amnesia,”

“Everything else is fine?” the doctor enquired. Seungyoun nodded wordlessly. He combed his hair with his fingers and continued to scratch the back of his head. 

“He seems to remember things fine, and even better now. But he kept thinking we’re dating and I have to remind him that we’re not all the time. Is there something wrong with him, doctor?” 

“It must’ve been something that has been bothering him before the accident. And his mind may have distorted his memory about it after the accident,” the doctor nodded, smiling towards the younger man opposite of him.

“What do you mean…”

“I think it’s better for you to ask him about it. He may be able to answer if he’s almost fully recovered now,” the doctor reached to pat Seungyoun’s shoulder.

“Oh, oh okay. Thank you, doctor. I’ll be on my way now,” Seungyoun stood up and left the room. Only to find Hangyul sitting down at the nearest set of chairs. He walked quietly towards the younger. “Hey,” Seungyoun sat beside him and leaned on the chair, sagging. Hangyul turned to the older one.

“That took you awhile, were you making out with the doctor or something,”

“Shut up, Hangyul,” Seungyoun smacked Hangyul’s arm half-heartedly as he closed his eyes, irritated. 

Fucking Lee Hangyul

“Oh I’d love that,” Hangyul chuckled as Seungyoun jerked up from his seat, because he did not just said that out aloud. And Hangyul did not just said he’d love that. He heaved a deep breath and sighed, before facing Hangyul. Hangyul was still wearing his playful and sneaky smile. Being stupidly handsome and made Seungyoun want to punch the living life out of him.

“Lee Hangyul,” Seungyoun uttered, with his arms crossed, a determined expression on his face, “Why are you doing this to me?” 

Hangyul must have picked up the weight of the situation as his playful demeanour faltered and a frown formed on his face. He knew there was tension in the air, but he did not know what and why. It didn’t feel fair that Seungyoun was creating tension for no reason.

“Do what?” Hangyul asked, completely clueless.

“This?!” Seungyoun gestured at the area between him and Hangyul. The younger was confused. He tilted his head to the side, trying to understand, “You,” Seungyoun pointed at Hangyul, “Making this sick joke of us being boyfriends when you’re clearly recovering from this shitty amnesia thing,” he continued as his hands gestured with no proper directions in the air, in a state of confusion and anger. Hangyul didn’t seem to understand at first and it made him more upset. He didn’t even know he was doing anything to Seungyoun.

“What?” Hangyul said after a few moments of silence enveloped them while they match stares. 

“What do you mean ‘what’? You know what, never mind. We’ll just talk about this later,” Seungyoun shook his head and sighed. What was the use because Hangyul didn’t even realise anyway. 

“No, okay listen to me,” Hangyul reached for Seungyoun’s hand and gripped it tight, as if Seungyoun would run away if he let it loose. Seungyoun didn’t feel like running that day. He hadn’t been running from Hangyul’s grips from awhile now. Seungyoun stayed quiet and Hangyul took it as his cue to continue, “I’m sorry that I slipped up too many times okay? I didn’t mean it,” 

“You didn’t mean it?” Seungyoun asked, “You didn’t mean to say we’re dating and being boyfriends?”

Hangyul stared at Seungyoun’s face. Was it disappointment or it was just the light playing with his eyes and mind? He could hear the shakiness of Seungyoun’s voice too, subtle but it was there. What did Seungyoun want him to say?

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” 

“What?”

“What?”

“Oh God, this is stupid. Why did I even ask,” Seungyoun scoffed at himself as he just leaned on the seat. He wanted to get up, but he was just so drained by the doctor’s appointment and the conversation they were having. And he didn’t want to let go of Hangyul’s hand just yet. Selfish? He’ll think about that later.

They stayed silent for a good few minutes when Seungyoun felt the grip on his hand tighten. Seungyoun turned to Hangyul who had his whole body facing him, somehow possible on the seat they were sitting on. The younger had an entranced look in his eyes and Seungyoun thought he might be possessed because who even would have that expression in the middle of an argument.

“You look cute getting mad like that,”

“You’re crazy,”

“Crazy for you,” Seungyoun hit Hangyul’s chest with his free hand as soon as Hangyul muttered the sentence.

“You’re doing it again oh God I hate you Lee Hangyul,” 

“Okay hear me out this time, okay?” Hangyul laughed as he held both of Seungyoun’s hands now. Seungyoun didn’t know what was so funny but he was so tired and he nodded his head. It didn’t hurt listening. “I couldn’t help mistaking us as boyfriends because my mind keeps distorting my memories or something, but it’s probably because I’ve been liking you for awhile before the accident happened. It kinda sucks confessing to you in this condition though,”

“What?” Seungyoun hadn’t counted but he had been feeling stupid and overwhelmed for quite a lot of times in just a few hours and the only word he could say was, “What?”

“Are you deaf?” Hangyul frowned, “I’m not repeating myself though,”

“…kidding me,” 

“I’m not? Also, I get it if you don’t like me back. I just hope we can still be friends, I’m fine with that,” Hangyul let go one of Seungyoun’s hands to wave dismissively. “I wasn’t going to confess though, but here we are haha,” he finished with an awkward laugh because Seungyoun wasn’t responding and he was scared he broke the elder, “Earth to Seungyoun?”

“You’re telling me you wanna call this boyfriends thing off just because you confessed? That sucks,” Seungyoun said in a voice barely above whispers.

“What?” it was Hangyul’s turn to be confused. Where was Seungyoun going with this.

“It means I like you too, I can’t believe you’re so stupid,” Seungyoun shook his head in disbelief. 

“Hey, but you’re stuck with this stupid now,” Hangyul smirked at Seungyoun. The tension around them melted as they understood each other and finally realised their feelings, especially for Seungyoun. He should have asked Hangyul sooner if it was going to end up like this. He should have not waited for later.

“Whatever, can we just sit here for a second. I’m too overwhelmed to walk,” Seungyoun requested as he placed his head on Hangyul’s shoulder and gripped the latter’s hand tighter. The hospital smelled awful but he didn’t mind.

Hangyul smiled and hummed as he placed his head on top of Seungyoun’s head.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading this! it wasnt the best thing i know but im just gonna appreciate the fact that yall finish reading this hahahah unbearable i know 
> 
> im scared of comments but hm do whatever you wanna do i guesss
> 
> its a weird one i know and my style is lame, im trying to find the right style so :(


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